THIS WAS ORIGINALLY POSTED IN JULY 2004. WILL UPDATE IT WHEN WE'RE THROUGH WITH SHIFTING!
A BAR, they say, is a place where you get wet change and dry martinis... and much, much more. Every Drinking Man has at least one favourite pub: your "home away from home" where you're always welcome to enjoy a drink or ten in convival company - and no one to nag you. When it comes to pub talk, the merits of different drinks and different pubs are favourite topics among Drinking Men the world over.
We do not have bars in Delhi (well there IS the Tihar and there is the association of Lawyers…but you know what I mean!!) – we got resto-bars (go figure!!!).
We also have strange laws governing these establishments – You can have a bar counter but you can’t display liquor bottles!! If you are a woman, you can drink in a bar (we ARE civilized) but you cannot serve liquor (ARE we??) You could be married (and have a few kids), you could’ve voted in the last elections (or the last two elections) but you could still be refused a drink on account of being chronologically challenged (You can vote and / or get laid @ 18, marry @ 21, but you can not drink till you are 25)!!
In the last one year or so the number of these temples of nightlife has increased exponentially. Keep in mind that post the Sinderella hour, the morning starts and hence the nightlife ends – unless of course the owners of the place know the local politico and the SHO and know how to keep ‘em happy!!! Come the weekend – and for the young and the restless, these days, the weekend starts on Wednesday – these temples go into over-drive!!
There are basically four kinds of (resto)bars in Delhi – the Q bars, the P3P bars, the Sleazy bars and the rest!! And honestly the Rest are the Best in terms of value for money, crowds, music etc.
The Q bars are generally erstwhile P3P bars which have ceased to be the flavor of the month and have hence opened themselves to the wannabes – which generally mean people east of the River and from areas alongside the Ring Road, West of Dhaula Kuan!!
Amongst these are clubs like Djinns (@Hyatt), Capitol (@Ashok), Float (@Park Royal), Patiala Peg (@Imperial) and the Fashion Bistro @ # 1, MG Road. The distinguishing feature of these bars is the Line (= Queue!! Getitt!!). The Line. It's a marketing tool that these clubs across the capital use in order to give off that spot-of-the-moment vibe and create an air of anticipation. More than sixty percent of the time, however, once you get in there after waiting for what it seems like five hours, you immediately conclude that waiting in The Line was more fun than standing around a room full of pretentious, dull people. It's loaded with snazzy women fidgeting in their towering designer sandals and slicked hair men constantly checking their shiny, expensive watches and talking over their miniature Nokias. God only knows how they hear and get heard over the loud music. Velvet furniture, cigar-like wallpaper, psychedelic colors and designs provide an eclectic scheme. A motley crowd would be hanging out at the bar where the light tones would keep changing with your mood. Drinking in these places is musically inclined – generally songs that seem vaguely familiar – but would be on your lips a few weeks later. Everyone looks familiar-but-you-just can’t seem to remember their names and therefore everybody greets everybody else with Hey Sexies or Hi Gorgeouses accompanied by hugs to members of your own sex and air-kisses to the opposite. You don’t talk to each other but just sway to the rhythm and pretend to lipsynch with the song the Dj is playing. Every now and then when the DJ does play a Punjabi number, everybody starts doing a Bachchan Bhangra accompanied by screams and whistles. If you happen to be eating as well at this point in time, beware of swinging arms and swaying hips that could knock a plate of fettucine right off your table. Every now and then, of course, the off-spring or a politico or the sibling of a cop could also pull a gun out and generally add to the excitement!!!
The P3P bars are a lot more classy and a lot less crowded. But there is a catch. You need a prior reservation or you need to know the owner to be able to get in or be able to walk the walk (if you are a female) or talk the talk (if you are a guy). These are generally the current flavors of the month. As of today – Shalom in GK1, Forum in GK2, Olive near the Kutab Minar, the F-bar at Lado Sarai fall into this category. The newest additions to this category are Mantra @ Nehru Place and Agni @ the Park. The other day we decided to go to Olive to check that place out. Bad idea to drive 10 miles to the middle of nowhere without reservations but what the hell – if you ain’t living on the edge, you are occupying far too much space. Was greeted by a PYT from the North Eastern part of the country at the Reception. The conversation went as follows:
PYT(Smiling): Good Evening Sir!!
Me (Smiling back): Hey there!! How are you today?
PYT (Still smiling): May I have your name please!
Me (Still smiling as well): Vikrant…Vikrant Nath
PYT (Scrolling down a list of 5 names in her register but still smiling): Did you make a reservation sir?
Me: Welllll…not really…you see it was a spur of the mom…
PYT (interrupting me and not smiling anymore): I am sorry sir but we are full up!!
Me: But there are only 3 cars parked outside and you have over a hundred covers, am sure you can find a table for us.
PYT: I am sorry sir but we ARE full up
Me: Hey I am sure you can manage something…after all we’ve driven 10 miles..
PYT (interrupting me again): Sir, this is our card, next time please call and make a reservation!!
Me: You sure you cant accommodate us??
PYT: Much as I’d like to but I am sorry sir..not tonight but I could give you a reservation for Tuesday!
Me: Never mind.. thanks for your help anyways…you are very kind!!!
Returning to my car, I was struck by a sudden bolt of inspiration!! I called the number given on the card from my mobile.
Good evening!! Thank you for calling Olive. This is Jenny..how may I help you??
Me: Hi Jenny!! Can I talk to AD Singh please?? (ADS incidentally is the owner of this place as well as its sibling in Bombay and is a FACE ARTIST. He uses his side burns, Moustaches, Beard and a blade to come with amazing designs on his face!!!)
Jenny: I am sorry sir but Mr Singh is in Bombay tonight.
Me: Oh OK!! I just wanted to confirm if you have a reservation for me for tonight. Y’know, I had spoken to AD and he had insisted that I must check out the Delhi restaurant tonight.
Jenny: Let me check sir…what did you say your name was??
Me: Vikrant… Vikrant Nath
Jenny: I am sorry sir but let me see if I can get you a table…
Jenny (30 secs later): Mr Nath.. if you can be here in 15 minutes, I could manage a table for you..
Me: Thanks Jenny..I’ll be there in 2!!
Jenny: That’ll be great…Look forward to having you with us.
Me: Thanks Jenny…you are a sweet heart.
Having made the reservation, we strolled back into the restaurant.
Jenny (who turned out to be the same PYT I was talking to earlier): Good Evening Sir!!
Me (Smiling back): Hey there!! How are you today?
Jenny (Still smiling): May I have your name please!
Me (Still smiling as well): Vikrant…Vikrant Nath
Jenny (Scrolling down a list of now 6 names in her register but still smiling): Welcome Mr Nath, do come with me, I will take you to your table!!
Me: Thank you Jenny…you are very kind!!
Jenny: You are welcome sir. Enjoy your evening!!
We did too…the food was great and the wine too but the Martini wasn’t and there were a total of 23 people in the restaurant with a 100 covers all evening. But yes there was Anusha Shankar sitting at the far end and Nafisa Ali on the next table.
Lesson in the learning: Make your reservations before going to these P3P (Resto) bars!!!
Sleazy bars are cheap, dirty, and dark places loaded with a diverse set of socially unacceptable thirsty people, usually open till dawn, marked by low-character of quality, where the smoke is so thick you can hardly breathe and the music is too loud.
Although these places hardly can be defined in one category, some common ground is that food (if any)most likely runs of your plate, you rather piss next to than in the toilet, and you have to take several barriers to enter, like thumping fists on the door, shouting or other kind of rumble. Sleazy bars may be rough, but are still renowned for their excellent (non-aggressive) atmosphere. Delhi's devils, Bachchus, Tequila and a few more are the honourable members of this category
And then there are the rest – Turquoise Cottage, DV8, Odd Bins, Chak De, Buzz, Mezz, No exit and such. These are places where the music is loud (But Mom! Rock ‘n’Roll has got to be loud!!!) – unfortunately its not Rock ‘n’ Roll – it’s a mix of It’s the time to Disco and Hotel California!! They are normally moderately dark and generally have a giant screen TV playing MTv or Channel V (no sound just the visuals) and serve decent booze. The crowd too don’t seem to be as if they are from an alien ant-farm!! Most of them would still be in college at 25 – after all there is a law against serving liquor to under 25s. A few months back, I hit a club. I felt painfully out of place- being a crusty old fart (i.e., over age 25). It was a hell of an experience, with the flashing video screen, the thumping music, the folks dressed in kitchy disco clothing and the joint rocking pastl 4 AM. And the money that fell from these club-goers hands- unbelievable.
GETTING drunk is the price we all have to pay at some time or other for the enjoyment of drinking...and it's an experience unlike any other. You find yourself becoming witty and convivial, a brilliant speaker blessed with rapier-sharp repartee, a fearless opponent of injustice and your employer alike, a generous host, a man about town. The world suddenly looks much brighter, the women so much more beautiful with every drink you consume...
So long as you don't drive or play around with guns, getting drunk on occasion is usually quite harmless. That is, to anyone but yourself the next morning, but more about that later. Our concern here is strictly with the joys of drinking - let the suffering wait. Being intoxicated has been so universal a pleasure, for such a long time, that there are more words to describe it then any other condition...
To SURVIVE as a Drinking Man there is one cardinal rule you must ALWAYS adhere is:
NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU HAVE HAD TO DRINK, YOU NEVER EVER, ADMIT TO BEING DRUNK
For you that five-letter word no longer exists. It's part of the vocabulary of wives and wowsers - a word uttered with scorn and derision by people who have never experienced the joys of drinking. Remember, looks can be deceptive. You may look legless, sounds incoherent, smell like a brewery, but you are never DRUNK. Not ever. Of course, among drinking Men, being drunk occasionally is no shame. You can admit your condition freely to your mates - so long as they, too, are drinking men. There's an old saying that some men get drunk because they don't have a wife to go home to, while others get drunk because they do. One advantage the former group has is that there is no one at home to complain that they:
a) stayed in the pub for hours, and/or
b) came home drunk/smelling like a brewery or the like.
So go ahead – have fun – just don’t drink and drive ‘cos as Rosh sez Why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly!!!!
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